A few days ago I was asked if I could describe my feelings about Grade 10 Life in one to two words, and even since I have found myself wracking my brain around it. This is a point where perfectionist tendencies really get to me because any old word cannot grasp the magnitude of which the last two months have looked like for me. The more I thought the clearer it became that the last two months of my life have been the most rewarding, and the most defeating months of my life all at once, and that is where “Beautiful Defeat” was born.
To backtrack for a moment, as an teenage author it is rare that I am asked how the school is going. It’s more or less “How are the book sales?” or “What big things are you up to next?” and not to downplay my gratitude or anything of that sort as I am so so grateful for the oodles, and scads of support I have been shown in the last two months, but to be asked how I am doing, how school is going is almost a breath a fresh air.
But beautiful defeat, where does that come in? What does it mean to say that the last months of my life have been beautifully defeating? I’ve tried to find the words to poetically state what I am feeling, but words are not always by my side, but What does beautiful defeat mean? I don’t believe I even fully know yet. I have learned that it is the ability to see the good beyond the trials, that one cannot always live on the mountain tops, and that even in the tough moments beauty, and passion are still existent, and are stil functioning at full force. Tonight beautiful defeat is being at rest despite the storms raging around me.
Beautiful Defeat means that Beautiful Victory is being won for me, as I cannot fight on my own. No one can, but instead that the nails driven in the hands of a man who took to the cross make me, and you, and each one of us a winner. The cross makes beautiful defeat bare no grip on me.
Beautiful Defeat is amazingly oxymoronic but altogether true because God is still God in the valleys making life even in the darkest nights beautiful.
For now I hold onto hope and am here for anyone if they need anything.